Living with 3 1/2 year old twins? It's a lot like that. One kid will start making up an elaborate game, or story, and the other will just jump right in. Fearless. Also wacky. And often funny.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
What it's like
A long long very long time ago, as a drama-school kid, I studied improv comedy. The number one rule in doing improv is to always say "yes" to keep the action moving. No matter how off-the-wall the new development is, it's more interesting to run with it than shut it down.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Lesson of the day
It's hard to feel like a grown-up at a parent-teacher conference when you're trying to balance your butt on a chair designed for a 3 year old.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
On discipline, self and other
1. Self.
Since leaving my day job (of the sort where going to the office is part of the gig, and on some days seemed more important than the quantity of work produced) I'm having trouble finding the self-discipline to accomplish, well, much of anything of substance. Case in point: I've been meaning to write this post for a week. On my "to-do" list everyday. Already had to come back to it 3 times today. (And again a week later, natch.)
I never thought I was an office-job sort of person. I like self-directed projects. When I'm involved in a project, I can work on it almost nonstop for hours, stay up all night while the creative juices are flowing, eat in front of my computer, then do nothing for several days afterward. But the act of going in to the office gave me a kind of structure, and now that I'm working from home again I'm rethinking my optimal setup.
How do I find the time and focus and self-discipline to do what I need to do, and not simply fritter away my time? How do I shut out the other projects so I can focus on just one?
I'm trying a new thing -- the Pomodoro technique -- as a way of reigning myself in. For 25 minutes at a time, I'm focusing on one project, task, writing assignment, whatever. I'm trying to do a couple of "tomatoes" every day. (Ideally, I'd be doing something more like 4 tomatoes in the morning and another 4 in the afternoon, I think, but right now if I can focus that well on 2 it seems like a good day.) We'll see if that helps me focus on just one thing at a time, even if I focus on different things at different times. Or something.
2. Kids
A whole different kind of discipline here, of course. The kids are, well, three and a half. And all that entails. For a couple of weeks, now, the kids have been having a tough time with their behaviour, especially at school. And the school seems a bit at a loss as to what to do. The teachers send home these notes (sometimes quite lengthy notes) detailing the day's infractions - who had to nap in the younger kids class instead, who wouldn't clean up their mess after spilling at lunch, who said NO to the teachers a bunch.
When I first started this post (eons ago, apparently) I was going to ask for discipline advice, since clearly nothing we were doing was working and we were terrible parents who couldn't control our children etc etc. And to some extent, we're still there. We've implemented a sticker chart to reward the ideal behaviour (at home, stickers for the steps to get ready in the morning, plus stickers for being quiet at naptime and listening to the teachers) but I don't know if it's making much difference. It's only been a week and a half of charts, so we haven't had a huge chance to test out the rewards scheme. But even then, it feels silly. I don't love the idea of bribing the kids to behave, nor do I love that the school is getting all worked up over developmentally-expected behaviour. Obnoxious, yes, and certainly something we all need to work on, but not cause for sudden panic and drastic measures. They're three-and-a-half, dudes. They're testing limits. Please don't go all "wait until your father gets home" on us -- if they're acting up at school, something other than a sticker when they get home has to be involved.
A couple of other things might also be factors here. Once is a twin thing -- some days it seems like the teachers are seeing the kids as two parts of a whole - so one does something, and the other one does something and it's as if the second kid is on their second infraction. Or the teachers just don't like us as a family or something. Also, a structural problem. Our kids are the oldest in their class, and should probably have been in the next class (a slightly older bunch, and the group they'll likely track with into Kindergarten). I wonder if these teachers are less used to dealing with the obnoxiousness of 3-and-a-half than the next classroom's teachers, just due to the demographics.
We're trying to set up a parent teacher conference with them -- hard to arrange since it means other teachers need to be covering the class, but the school is trying to work out the logistics. We'll see what we glean from that.
A week ago, I would have been looking for reassurance, but I've managed two moms-nights-out recently (one with my twins club, and one with our old playgroup moms) and both times have heard the collective reassurances - they're just acting their age. It's obnoxious, and it'll suck for a while, and we certainly need a plan for helping them learn to control their behaviour, but they're not suddenly on the road to misfithood over their defiance and limit testing.
Though it's damn exhausting.
When I first started this post (eons ago, apparently) I was going to ask for discipline advice, since clearly nothing we were doing was working and we were terrible parents who couldn't control our children etc etc. And to some extent, we're still there. We've implemented a sticker chart to reward the ideal behaviour (at home, stickers for the steps to get ready in the morning, plus stickers for being quiet at naptime and listening to the teachers) but I don't know if it's making much difference. It's only been a week and a half of charts, so we haven't had a huge chance to test out the rewards scheme. But even then, it feels silly. I don't love the idea of bribing the kids to behave, nor do I love that the school is getting all worked up over developmentally-expected behaviour. Obnoxious, yes, and certainly something we all need to work on, but not cause for sudden panic and drastic measures. They're three-and-a-half, dudes. They're testing limits. Please don't go all "wait until your father gets home" on us -- if they're acting up at school, something other than a sticker when they get home has to be involved.
A couple of other things might also be factors here. Once is a twin thing -- some days it seems like the teachers are seeing the kids as two parts of a whole - so one does something, and the other one does something and it's as if the second kid is on their second infraction. Or the teachers just don't like us as a family or something. Also, a structural problem. Our kids are the oldest in their class, and should probably have been in the next class (a slightly older bunch, and the group they'll likely track with into Kindergarten). I wonder if these teachers are less used to dealing with the obnoxiousness of 3-and-a-half than the next classroom's teachers, just due to the demographics.
We're trying to set up a parent teacher conference with them -- hard to arrange since it means other teachers need to be covering the class, but the school is trying to work out the logistics. We'll see what we glean from that.
A week ago, I would have been looking for reassurance, but I've managed two moms-nights-out recently (one with my twins club, and one with our old playgroup moms) and both times have heard the collective reassurances - they're just acting their age. It's obnoxious, and it'll suck for a while, and we certainly need a plan for helping them learn to control their behaviour, but they're not suddenly on the road to misfithood over their defiance and limit testing.
Though it's damn exhausting.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Monday, January 04, 2010
Is this thing on?
I got two drive-by pregnancy announcements in the past month, and even though we're not in the trenches of trying or anything (which is a topic for another day) I felt blindsided. After all this time, I guess the pang of jealousy over seemingly easy conceptions and neatly spaced children hasn't gone away. Though apparently, J's tact about such things has -- he relayed one piece of news without any preamble in the midst of the evening getting-home-from-school chaos and I had to excuse myself to the other room to just process it alone for a minute. And then I just felt lonely, since I couldn't run to my computer and blog it all out and hear a chorus of support, and then I thought "hey, why not?" So here I am. Though I expect there's not much chorus to speak of anymore. And I have no idea what I'm doing here anymore, or where this will go. But here I am, for now, anyway. Ambivalent much?
---
And because it feels wrong not to play catch up a bit:
M&B are 3. (Three and a quarter if they were older and counted in quarters, but M is in the phase of shyly holding up 3 fingers when asked her age so we'll go with that.) They are rambunctious and feisty and sweet and fabulous and fascinating. A couple of months ago, one of the kids got a fortune from a very wise cookie that said "You are a bundle of energy, always on the go" which is perhaps the most spot on fortune I've ever seen. They also snuggle and cuddle and generally melt my heart in the very best ways.
J is deep into the career shift process, which means he's gone back to school and might at some point try for an entry level position in his new field of choice. Hopefully soon. Which is wonderful, of course, but also tense and tenuous. I'm a planner, and this level of unknown makes me anxious on so many levels.
Plus, I am back from the land of the employed to the land of the (theoretically) dissertating, though so far I've been spending time organizing my household chaos, and lounging about, and feeling generally unproductive.
And those are just the highlights. Wasn't that fun?
Friday, March 13, 2009
Conundrum
I haven't written about it because I don't really know what to say, but we're in a bit of flux around here, with J's career change and return to school and my return to work and the kids at school (yes, since September - none of this is news at this point, I know). I would have thought the flux would have subsided by now, but we have yet to fully settle into a routine (a side effect of 2.5 year olds and changing semester schedules, I think) and we're already caught up in the flux about next year -- J is applying to schools (he's doing some general stuff now, but will need to transfer to finish up this degree change) and one possibility involves a move 3 hours away to City Where I Grew Up, but meanwhile, and this is what I'm on about today, we have to make decisions about the kids and preschool and somehow some of this ties in to decisions about Kindergarten and I know they're getting older but still, they're just 2 and a half. And then I spin myself into a tizzy and have to catch my breath. So, some points:
1. We're taking the kids for developmental evals at the end of the month, because they're free and because B is a bit, um, atypical in some of his social development. The guest speakers at my moms of twins club meeting this month were a language specialist and an occupational therapist, and based on some things they said and the experiences of another mom in the club, it sounds like B might have some sensory integration issues and we could be doing more to help him manage them. So that's thing #1.
2. I mentioned the above to the preschool teacher, who has noted B's behavior in the past, and she was thrilled that we were getting him evaluated and went on about her own son's experiences with OT and how it helped. I knew there were some similarities, but I think she's also seeing B through the lens of her experience with her son, which is both useful and not.
3. It's summer enrollment time at the school, and we may try separating the kids - just for the summer - to see how that works. B would remain with the younger 2s in their current class, and M would move to the next oldest class. They'd each still have some kids they already know in the class, and some new. They'd also still have a lot of together time since the two classes overlap on their outdoor time. Not sure yet what we'd do for fall - this is a whole huge issue that has a bit to do with whether we're expecting them to start kindergarten (which I keep starting to type as preschool because I'm not even familiar with the K word!) at a young age 5 (they have a late-July birthday) or at a young age 6. The preschool has 4 classes, and the last functions as a pre-K, so there's a desire to make sure they get that experience at the right point. Because it's a small school, our only option for keeping them separated in the Fall would be for B to move to M's summer class and M to move to the next class (the 3rd "level", though not a full year's leap in age) - legitimate from an age perspective, but potentially setting them up to be in different grades, which is not something I want to consider. Or they spend the summer separate but then end up in the same class again come Fall.
I can't believe that I have to start thinking about their Kindergarten readiness at this point, and I can't even do that obsessive thing where I start researching the local schools because even if we stay where we are for J's next round of schooling, chances are VERY high that we'd be moving before Kindergarten anyway. And if we're going to keep the kids together, which way do we go -- do we start them early because M would likely be ready at 5 or wait to be sure B is ready at 6? (Probably the latter, but both are strong cognitively and I don't want them to be bored or not sufficiently challenged because we're judging their 5 year old selves at age 2. If that makes sense.)
And of course, the school needs to know - probably today - how we want to handle summer enrollments.
Gah. Once I start writing it out, it seems to get more complicated. And while my local moms of twins club is nice, we seem to lose members as their kids reach school age, so I don't havea lot of any personal reference points on things like separating twins or navigating gender-related developmental differences. Our details are specific, but the general questions shouldn't be unique. And yet, I'm feeling like I don't have any models for this. Anyone?
1. We're taking the kids for developmental evals at the end of the month, because they're free and because B is a bit, um, atypical in some of his social development. The guest speakers at my moms of twins club meeting this month were a language specialist and an occupational therapist, and based on some things they said and the experiences of another mom in the club, it sounds like B might have some sensory integration issues and we could be doing more to help him manage them. So that's thing #1.
2. I mentioned the above to the preschool teacher, who has noted B's behavior in the past, and she was thrilled that we were getting him evaluated and went on about her own son's experiences with OT and how it helped. I knew there were some similarities, but I think she's also seeing B through the lens of her experience with her son, which is both useful and not.
3. It's summer enrollment time at the school, and we may try separating the kids - just for the summer - to see how that works. B would remain with the younger 2s in their current class, and M would move to the next oldest class. They'd each still have some kids they already know in the class, and some new. They'd also still have a lot of together time since the two classes overlap on their outdoor time. Not sure yet what we'd do for fall - this is a whole huge issue that has a bit to do with whether we're expecting them to start kindergarten (which I keep starting to type as preschool because I'm not even familiar with the K word!) at a young age 5 (they have a late-July birthday) or at a young age 6. The preschool has 4 classes, and the last functions as a pre-K, so there's a desire to make sure they get that experience at the right point. Because it's a small school, our only option for keeping them separated in the Fall would be for B to move to M's summer class and M to move to the next class (the 3rd "level", though not a full year's leap in age) - legitimate from an age perspective, but potentially setting them up to be in different grades, which is not something I want to consider. Or they spend the summer separate but then end up in the same class again come Fall.
I can't believe that I have to start thinking about their Kindergarten readiness at this point, and I can't even do that obsessive thing where I start researching the local schools because even if we stay where we are for J's next round of schooling, chances are VERY high that we'd be moving before Kindergarten anyway. And if we're going to keep the kids together, which way do we go -- do we start them early because M would likely be ready at 5 or wait to be sure B is ready at 6? (Probably the latter, but both are strong cognitively and I don't want them to be bored or not sufficiently challenged because we're judging their 5 year old selves at age 2. If that makes sense.)
And of course, the school needs to know - probably today - how we want to handle summer enrollments.
Gah. Once I start writing it out, it seems to get more complicated. And while my local moms of twins club is nice, we seem to lose members as their kids reach school age, so I don't have
Saturday, January 24, 2009
On Weaning
For the record, because not enough people talk about this stuff...
I nursed M & B until they were 28 months old. I had thought I'd try for a year, or maybe 18 months, but they really loved to nurse, and it was one of the few times when I could snuggle with both of them and just have a moment of relative peace and quiet. Except for the times they were busy hitting each other or putting their hands on the other kid's side. In the end, I had a business trip as a deadline - though as we were weaning I thought it was entirely possible that they'd make it through my trip and then go right back to nursing.
To wean, I tried cutting out feedings when I could - getting up in the morning and going straight to a cup of milk or breakfast at the table, for example. I also started limiting the time we nursed - agreeing to nurse for the count of 10, for example, or for just 2 minutes. Basically, I started putting limits on the nursing as a way to take back some control.
After we weaned, there were still a couple of times that B asked to nurse, and I was generally able to just offer him a cup of milk instead. One time after my business trip he was insistent, so I finally agreed to let him nurse "for the count of two". He got face to face with my boob, then... nothing. He seemed stumped about what to do next. I guess he forgot how. :) That's when I knew we were really truly done.
Now I need to go bra shopping!
I nursed M & B until they were 28 months old. I had thought I'd try for a year, or maybe 18 months, but they really loved to nurse, and it was one of the few times when I could snuggle with both of them and just have a moment of relative peace and quiet. Except for the times they were busy hitting each other or putting their hands on the other kid's side. In the end, I had a business trip as a deadline - though as we were weaning I thought it was entirely possible that they'd make it through my trip and then go right back to nursing.
To wean, I tried cutting out feedings when I could - getting up in the morning and going straight to a cup of milk or breakfast at the table, for example. I also started limiting the time we nursed - agreeing to nurse for the count of 10, for example, or for just 2 minutes. Basically, I started putting limits on the nursing as a way to take back some control.
After we weaned, there were still a couple of times that B asked to nurse, and I was generally able to just offer him a cup of milk instead. One time after my business trip he was insistent, so I finally agreed to let him nurse "for the count of two". He got face to face with my boob, then... nothing. He seemed stumped about what to do next. I guess he forgot how. :) That's when I knew we were really truly done.
Now I need to go bra shopping!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Facebook Etiquette
Okay. I'm over it. Thanks for lending a virtual ear to my sniveling. Today is marginally better, and so I'm just moving on from the angst-ridden to the trivial...
Etiquette Question
If you get a friend request on Facebook from someone you don't immediately recognize, do you:
a) Send them a message asking how you know them
b) Google, baby, G-O-O-G-L-E
c) Reread your high school journal for a reminder
d) Ignore the request indefinitely
Does it change things if you think you might have hooked up with them once, briefly?
Etiquette Question
If you get a friend request on Facebook from someone you don't immediately recognize, do you:
a) Send them a message asking how you know them
b) Google, baby, G-O-O-G-L-E
c) Reread your high school journal for a reminder
d) Ignore the request indefinitely
Does it change things if you think you might have hooked up with them once, briefly?
Cass and the Terrible Awful No-Good Except-for-that-One-Shining Moment Day
Edited to add: I tried to post this last night, and just as I was finishing up, the battery on my laptop died. It's supposed to give me a 2 minute warning, so I can walk the ten feet to the plug, but apparently not. Went with the rest of the day, I suppose. So, this is yesterday's thoughtstream. Let's see how things go today...
I was looking forward to today, to watching the door open on a new era. To watching the door close, none too gently, on the last 8 years. But life happens, and today was just one of those sucky days. And now I'm just waiting for the *&$^@% day to be over. And that pisses me off.
Item the first. Somehow we forgot about the whole time-difference, East-coast/West-coast thing, and so my answer to "Where were you when Obama became President?" is "I don't know. Maybe changing a diaper? Probably poopy." Bah. When I realized, I sat down and cried. I know in the grand scheme of life, it's not a huge deal, but I really wanted to pause for a minute and just watch. And instead I. Missed. It. And the news coverage seemed lame in comparison.
Item the second. Sick kids. Feeling well enough to be bouncing off the walls and driving me bonkers, but M had a fever last night and school rules are 24 hours fever-free, so... (I do sometimes take one kid and keep one home, but B seemed a bit under, and we just decided to keep them both home.) J was going to stay home with them, and I was set to go to work when..
Item the third. Disaster on the computing front. Catastrophic issue with all the websites we run (several, including one that's the public information for a community group in the midst of a fundraising campaign, like, NOW). So, J got sucked into rebuilding the site and the donation form, and also little things like recreating our email addresses. Good times. Also time-consuming times, so I ended up taking a sick day.
Item the fourth. Good news, this one - my neighbor just had a baby. This morning. She was scheduled to be induced today, but her water broke in the middle of the night and they had a baby before we had a new president, even once you adjust the time zones. Sounds crazy fast to me, but what do I know? Bummer part of this is that I had grand plans for organizing meals for them, and balloons for when they come home, and I just can't get anything else together right now. Not a major issue, just one more thing.
Item the fifth. Did I mention the catastrophic computer failure was not our fault and totally avoidable? Yeah. We've had great experiences with our web hosting company until this blip, but it's not a minor blip. One of the sites? Our (family) baby blog and all of the pictures of the kids we've ever posted. The pictures themselves are backed up, but I'm not sure what it'll take to get them online again. Reminds me that I don't love having everything digital and really need to make printed albums for the kids. How else am I going to pull out their embarrassing naked baby pictures to show their prom dates?
Item the sixth. I don't even understand my numbering scheme here.
7. My kids nap fine at school, but they will not nap in their beds (mattresses on the floor) at home. It worked for about a week but now? No. Today after we gave up on bedroom napping, I took them for a drive to get them to sleep, then parked in the driveway
I just realized it's well after midnight, even on west coast time, so I'm going to put this *&^#%@$ day to rest now. I'm hoping tomorrow is the day I can revel in the hope and optimism that seemed to be the focus of all the Facebook status updates today.
I was looking forward to today, to watching the door open on a new era. To watching the door close, none too gently, on the last 8 years. But life happens, and today was just one of those sucky days. And now I'm just waiting for the *&$^@% day to be over. And that pisses me off.
Item the first. Somehow we forgot about the whole time-difference, East-coast/West-coast thing, and so my answer to "Where were you when Obama became President?" is "I don't know. Maybe changing a diaper? Probably poopy." Bah. When I realized, I sat down and cried. I know in the grand scheme of life, it's not a huge deal, but I really wanted to pause for a minute and just watch. And instead I. Missed. It. And the news coverage seemed lame in comparison.
Item the second. Sick kids. Feeling well enough to be bouncing off the walls and driving me bonkers, but M had a fever last night and school rules are 24 hours fever-free, so... (I do sometimes take one kid and keep one home, but B seemed a bit under, and we just decided to keep them both home.) J was going to stay home with them, and I was set to go to work when..
Item the third. Disaster on the computing front. Catastrophic issue with all the websites we run (several, including one that's the public information for a community group in the midst of a fundraising campaign, like, NOW). So, J got sucked into rebuilding the site and the donation form, and also little things like recreating our email addresses. Good times. Also time-consuming times, so I ended up taking a sick day.
Item the fourth. Good news, this one - my neighbor just had a baby. This morning. She was scheduled to be induced today, but her water broke in the middle of the night and they had a baby before we had a new president, even once you adjust the time zones. Sounds crazy fast to me, but what do I know? Bummer part of this is that I had grand plans for organizing meals for them, and balloons for when they come home, and I just can't get anything else together right now. Not a major issue, just one more thing.
Item the fifth. Did I mention the catastrophic computer failure was not our fault and totally avoidable? Yeah. We've had great experiences with our web hosting company until this blip, but it's not a minor blip. One of the sites? Our (family) baby blog and all of the pictures of the kids we've ever posted. The pictures themselves are backed up, but I'm not sure what it'll take to get them online again. Reminds me that I don't love having everything digital and really need to make printed albums for the kids. How else am I going to pull out their embarrassing naked baby pictures to show their prom dates?
Item the sixth. I don't even understand my numbering scheme here.
7. My kids nap fine at school, but they will not nap in their beds (mattresses on the floor) at home. It worked for about a week but now? No. Today after we gave up on bedroom napping, I took them for a drive to get them to sleep, then parked in the driveway
I just realized it's well after midnight, even on west coast time, so I'm going to put this *&^#%@$ day to rest now. I'm hoping tomorrow is the day I can revel in the hope and optimism that seemed to be the focus of all the Facebook status updates today.
Monday, January 05, 2009
various and sundry
I have a bunch of muckity muck floating around in my head - the typical 2.5 year old twin chaos, sleep suckage, behavior (theirs and mine) and much more - but it's been a while, and I don't want to launch right in to the suckfest as if that's all there is. So instead, I bring you the following:
- Both kids, but especially M, sometimes say they don't like Daddy because he has a beard. And they like me because I don't. Sometimes they LIKE the beard, though.
- Also, the thing over his lip is called a "mus-lip"
- M calls bicycles "bike-a-cils"
- M has started asking questions, with a slight up-lilt at the end
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
This is not what I mean by new reproductive technologies
I'm not quite ready to talk politics yet, so I'll give you this - from the New York Times - instead:
Fertility help has gone mobile. BabyCenter, a parenting Web site, said it would introduce on Thursday the Booty Caller, a series of 18 ovulation alerts sent via text message. Sample message: “Your fertile window opens today and lasts 5 more days. Heat kills sperm so keep your mate away from the hot tub.” The service is free at babycenter.com.Wahoo.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Be warned, students!
I just came across this on a syllabus for an undergraduate class. Freaking awesome.
I will prepare a challenging pop quiz for every single lecture of the fall quarter. Incorrect responses to these quizzes will deduct points from your overall course grade. I will only administer the quiz, however, if a cell phone, Blackberry, laptop, or any other electronic device rings, vibrates, or otherwise disturbs the class during lecture. This caveat also holds true for those of you with uncontrollable email, text messaging, and FaceBook addictions. If you and your classmates cannot discipline your use of electronic peripherals for less than three hours a week, then you should be prepared to take pop quizzes on a regular basis.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Day in the Life
I thought things were going so well when the kiddos slept until after 7:00 - new time - and then had a good morning before heading out for bagels and errands. Things went downhill from there:
1. The people at the next table at the bagel place were, apparently, evangelical anti-choicers. And vocal. And then they paused to pray for a while. Out loud. There's more, but I'll spare you all.
2. We tried to go do early voting because we like to vote together and bring the kids, but the line was about 4 hours long. Seriously. So we'll squeeze it in on Tuesday, separately and without the kids. I was both excited to think about all of those people who wanted to vote so much that they'd stand there for 4 hours and afraid for the people who found that overwhelming. I'm actually really terrified about this election. It's not so much the national stuff, but there are a couple of statewide initiatives that are really close.
3. I don't know if it's the time change or what, but the kiddos did not nap. At all.
4. J is swamped with school and some community projects, and it's like he's trying to do two full time jobs at once.
It's not all bad, of course. It's just easier to vent than to rave.
1. The people at the next table at the bagel place were, apparently, evangelical anti-choicers. And vocal. And then they paused to pray for a while. Out loud. There's more, but I'll spare you all.
2. We tried to go do early voting because we like to vote together and bring the kids, but the line was about 4 hours long. Seriously. So we'll squeeze it in on Tuesday, separately and without the kids. I was both excited to think about all of those people who wanted to vote so much that they'd stand there for 4 hours and afraid for the people who found that overwhelming. I'm actually really terrified about this election. It's not so much the national stuff, but there are a couple of statewide initiatives that are really close.
3. I don't know if it's the time change or what, but the kiddos did not nap. At all.
4. J is swamped with school and some community projects, and it's like he's trying to do two full time jobs at once.
It's not all bad, of course. It's just easier to vent than to rave.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Magic and Memory
The year after I graduated from college, J and I lived in a big house* with several of our friends. In some ways, that was the best place I've ever lived. There was always something going on, or someone to talk to, or something to do, or something to eat** but we had enough space that we could always get away, too. It was a great, grand old house with tons of character, on a street adjacent to an urban center that is still in the process of gentrification.
For Halloween, we cut paper to make the upper windows glow like eyes, and I spent hours carving pumpkins and foam gravestones and arranging lights and cobwebs on the grand front porch. And then some stupid teenagers came by the house in broad daylight, days before Halloween, and smashed all of our decorations. I was home, and I came down and shouted at them, and filed a police report, and lurked near the windows for days after, scanning the neighborhood for them. They lived just around the corner someplace, I think.
But still, that Halloween was magical. It was a great house for a party, and our many overlapping groups of friends came in costume and we decorated inside and greeted the kids that came trick-or-treating. Harry Potter costumes were big that year, I remember.
I love Halloween - magic and mystery and fall all rolled into one. But since I don't like to carve my pumpkins too early anymore, I rushed to finish the pumpkin I'd planned for weeks during dinner, before we took our little Ladybug and Pumpkin trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. (Pumpkin picture to come, just as soon as J gets the pictures off the camera.)
* That house is currently on the market, and even though we now live about 3000 miles away and those kids probably still live there, I want it I want it I want it. Plus they still have the curtains I picked for the living room.
** One roommate worked at Whole Foods, and regularly brought home bread and sushi at the end of the day. Mmmm, free sushi.
For Halloween, we cut paper to make the upper windows glow like eyes, and I spent hours carving pumpkins and foam gravestones and arranging lights and cobwebs on the grand front porch. And then some stupid teenagers came by the house in broad daylight, days before Halloween, and smashed all of our decorations. I was home, and I came down and shouted at them, and filed a police report, and lurked near the windows for days after, scanning the neighborhood for them. They lived just around the corner someplace, I think.
But still, that Halloween was magical. It was a great house for a party, and our many overlapping groups of friends came in costume and we decorated inside and greeted the kids that came trick-or-treating. Harry Potter costumes were big that year, I remember.
I love Halloween - magic and mystery and fall all rolled into one. But since I don't like to carve my pumpkins too early anymore, I rushed to finish the pumpkin I'd planned for weeks during dinner, before we took our little Ladybug and Pumpkin trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. (Pumpkin picture to come, just as soon as J gets the pictures off the camera.)
* That house is currently on the market, and even though we now live about 3000 miles away and those kids probably still live there, I want it I want it I want it. Plus they still have the curtains I picked for the living room.
** One roommate worked at Whole Foods, and regularly brought home bread and sushi at the end of the day. Mmmm, free sushi.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Conundrum
If while conducting a search for a summer nanny for your toddler twins, you discover (through the first link on a simple Google search that even your grandmother could have done) that one prospective candidate has been featured on a website featuring shots of sorority girls on display for frat boys to oogle, but said candidate would otherwise be a potential match, do you:
a) ignore the soft-porn, and interview anyway
b) politely inform the student that she might want to rethink such ventures in the future
c) eat a pint of ice cream and bemoan your post-twin flab (and really, your pre-twin flab, too)
d) browse the past archives of the site to see if she's featured in her undies, in a faux-lesbian encounter, or just in a bikini on the beach (all of which seem to be frequent settings).
While I was never the sorority type (I went to a school that didn't officially have any, though really we did), lots of woman are in sororities, and apparently some of them submit pictures of themselves in various stages of undress (apparently, pictures of sorority girls peeing are a hot thing - who knew?). So am I just insecure because she's a college student with a hot body and I'm, well, not? (For comparison, our last fabulous sitter was a college student with a nice very-round body. Which is, of course, not why we hired her.) Why is this bugging me?
And what is this post going to do to my google search results?
a) ignore the soft-porn, and interview anyway
b) politely inform the student that she might want to rethink such ventures in the future
c) eat a pint of ice cream and bemoan your post-twin flab (and really, your pre-twin flab, too)
d) browse the past archives of the site to see if she's featured in her undies, in a faux-lesbian encounter, or just in a bikini on the beach (all of which seem to be frequent settings).
While I was never the sorority type (I went to a school that didn't officially have any, though really we did), lots of woman are in sororities, and apparently some of them submit pictures of themselves in various stages of undress (apparently, pictures of sorority girls peeing are a hot thing - who knew?). So am I just insecure because she's a college student with a hot body and I'm, well, not? (For comparison, our last fabulous sitter was a college student with a nice very-round body. Which is, of course, not why we hired her.) Why is this bugging me?
And what is this post going to do to my google search results?
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The gods must be crazy
It's not often that comment spam makes me laugh out loud (nor do I usually read it) but in skimming my most recent (now deleted) spam, I uncovered the following gems:
And this:
And of course, this:
There was also a whole section about how McCain would have had an easier time winning against Hillary than "Osama" (yes, Osama).
Usually, my comment spam tries to function as advertising or linkbacks of some kind, but this? This seems like the stream of consciousness ravings of someone in an altered mental state. And what I really want to know is, how did they end up on my blog? Was it my fervently stated belief that I want my 10 year old son to be able to see pornography? It is a free country, after all.
Your infertility was favor, for the gods were granting you more time in hope you could get out "before" this obligation forced you to stay. The Italians bred like rabbits:::That they got "pregnant immediately" illustrated their undesirability.
And this:
If you lived in a communisitic state your 10 year old son wouldn't be able to see pornographic images on the internet. The government would have filters in place to protect the people from this damaging behavior.
And of course, this:
The gods are asexual. They have no sex organs nor rectums.
There was also a whole section about how McCain would have had an easier time winning against Hillary than "Osama" (yes, Osama).
Usually, my comment spam tries to function as advertising or linkbacks of some kind, but this? This seems like the stream of consciousness ravings of someone in an altered mental state. And what I really want to know is, how did they end up on my blog? Was it my fervently stated belief that I want my 10 year old son to be able to see pornography? It is a free country, after all.
Comments and community
Thalia's recent post about keeping up with blogs has me thinking, so rather than hijack her comments, I thought I'd move this here.
I've been reading without commenting for months now, because it's all I can do to keep up through Bloglines (and even then, I have over 500 unread posts in my queue right now - though some are from review sites and the like), but it takes more time and energy and focus than I usually feel I can muster to actually click through and come up with something useful to say in response. And then I think how that makes blogs one directional, and how one of the things I value about the blogworld is the conversation and support and communication... which is to say I think I need to break out of my bubble and get back to commenting rather than lurking. By the same token, I've slowly been unsubbing from some of the (bigger) blogs where I never really felt like part of a community so much as a flock - where I never really commented much anyway. (And by *some* blogs I mean one or two so far - it's hard to stop following someone's story.)
I haven't been posting either, obviously. We've had a whole confluence of circumstances combined with what is probably a bit of low-level depression and a ton of projects and huge life changes and I've barely managed to keep my head above water. But I'm hoping the tide is changing, and one of the things I really WANT to do is get back to blogging and participating in a bit of a blogging community - for fun and for sanity. I make no sweeping claims, since I hate setting myself up like that (see how well I did with the Moxie challenge?) but for myself, I think I'm going to try. It might mean reinventing my blog identity, or changing how I think about blogging, or commenting, or something. It's a process, and I'm only beginning.
I've been reading without commenting for months now, because it's all I can do to keep up through Bloglines (and even then, I have over 500 unread posts in my queue right now - though some are from review sites and the like), but it takes more time and energy and focus than I usually feel I can muster to actually click through and come up with something useful to say in response. And then I think how that makes blogs one directional, and how one of the things I value about the blogworld is the conversation and support and communication... which is to say I think I need to break out of my bubble and get back to commenting rather than lurking. By the same token, I've slowly been unsubbing from some of the (bigger) blogs where I never really felt like part of a community so much as a flock - where I never really commented much anyway. (And by *some* blogs I mean one or two so far - it's hard to stop following someone's story.)
I haven't been posting either, obviously. We've had a whole confluence of circumstances combined with what is probably a bit of low-level depression and a ton of projects and huge life changes and I've barely managed to keep my head above water. But I'm hoping the tide is changing, and one of the things I really WANT to do is get back to blogging and participating in a bit of a blogging community - for fun and for sanity. I make no sweeping claims, since I hate setting myself up like that (see how well I did with the Moxie challenge?) but for myself, I think I'm going to try. It might mean reinventing my blog identity, or changing how I think about blogging, or commenting, or something. It's a process, and I'm only beginning.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Take yourself seriously
Moxie is running a 60-day Take Yourself Seriously Challenge, and I'm trying my best to join. The premise is to choose three things you want to work on and commit to them for 60 days. I didn't read all of the comments, but it looked like a lot of people were (1) reducing their intake of high fructose corn syrup, (2) drinking more water, and (3) trying to have more sex. Yes, really. I'm sure J would like it if I added that last one to the list, but for now it's a much lower priority. Although, what does that say about the state of our marriage? I'll have to think about that. Anyway...
There are so many things I think I want to tackle, and then I get overwhelmed at the enormity of it all and accomplish nothing. So I'm trying to make these goals do-able to have a taste of success (I hope) and then add in additional goals in the NEXT 60 days (or whenever).
1. Start T-Tapp and do it regularly. I think that means a 4 day bootcamp and then every other day, but since I haven't started yet I'm not sure what schedule will end up working. But STARTING is the big thing.
2. Be more present with my kids more often. It's so easy for me to get caught up on the computer and just watch over them, rather than sitting down and being fully present. They're at a fabulous age and I don't want to miss it.
3. Get to bed earlier. Work on this bit by bit - I don't think we'll be able to change the habits we've slipped into overnight (ha ha), but bit by bit, work back to getting to bed by 10:30.
For future (so I don't forget):
- more veggies. Husband and kids are not so keen on them, so it's easy to let it slip by.
- focus on dissertation writing. Advisor is somewhat too relaxed, so motivation must all come from self. Motivation seems to have disappeared with arrival (19 months ago) of babies.
- reclaim my office. Which might help with the dissertation writing.
- get off the computer. Hey, wait, I think I'll try that now.
There are so many things I think I want to tackle, and then I get overwhelmed at the enormity of it all and accomplish nothing. So I'm trying to make these goals do-able to have a taste of success (I hope) and then add in additional goals in the NEXT 60 days (or whenever).
1. Start T-Tapp and do it regularly. I think that means a 4 day bootcamp and then every other day, but since I haven't started yet I'm not sure what schedule will end up working. But STARTING is the big thing.
2. Be more present with my kids more often. It's so easy for me to get caught up on the computer and just watch over them, rather than sitting down and being fully present. They're at a fabulous age and I don't want to miss it.
3. Get to bed earlier. Work on this bit by bit - I don't think we'll be able to change the habits we've slipped into overnight (ha ha), but bit by bit, work back to getting to bed by 10:30.
For future (so I don't forget):
- more veggies. Husband and kids are not so keen on them, so it's easy to let it slip by.
- focus on dissertation writing. Advisor is somewhat too relaxed, so motivation must all come from self. Motivation seems to have disappeared with arrival (19 months ago) of babies.
- reclaim my office. Which might help with the dissertation writing.
- get off the computer. Hey, wait, I think I'll try that now.
Friday, February 22, 2008
I feel kinda dumb now
I can't believe I'm admitting this so publicly, but here it is.
In my defense, I did pass the AP Biology exam in high school. And Calculus. Which might be the last time I studied math or science, since having passed the exams exempted me from any such classes in college.
But what am I going to do when my kids start taking science classes? Sure, J is probably better at these subjects than I am, but still. I really don't want to be the dumb parent.
In my defense, I did pass the AP Biology exam in high school. And Calculus. Which might be the last time I studied math or science, since having passed the exams exempted me from any such classes in college.
But what am I going to do when my kids start taking science classes? Sure, J is probably better at these subjects than I am, but still. I really don't want to be the dumb parent.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Hip(py) enough?
I tried to join the local Natural Families yahoo group/email list (membership is pending “approval”) and all I could think about was Stacie’s post about proving your credentials. I had to submit an introduction to the moderator, and I couldn’t tell for sure but felt like what I needed to do was prove that I was AP/granola/crunchy/alterna enough to join the group. I mentioned our cloth diapering, cosleeping, and breastfeeding, because I felt like I should, but really, those things have very little to do with our parenting philosophy. The CDing is a cost and environment thing, mostly. We’re currently cosleeping out of convenience (we started on a trip - the kids didn’t much like the hotel cribs so both eventually ended up in bed with us and it was pretty cozy - and they’ve been sick so we’ve just found it easier) and while I haven’t tried to stop BFing, neither have I tried to continue. Mostly it’s just laziness - the kids like it so much that I can’t see what it would take to stop right now. Point being, it all feels pretty circumstantial. And yet, I felt like I had to trot out my AP credentials to get in the door. What I’m hoping to get out of the group, besides the possibility of meeting other families, are things like recommendations for local services (a homeopath, maybe?) -- which seems more intentional than the others, but wasn’t what I felt I was supposed to say.
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(I removed the links to the spammer's site to avoid driving traffic to them.) I just found it so amusing that someone would post a spam comment about writing a thesis related to Tertia's post ... on her newly remodeled house. And then I realized that not only am I writing about blogs and bloggers right now, but I've done work on houses in the past. So really, I should just buy my own dissertation right now. Hey, problem solved!!