attempting the birthstory

I’ve been trying to write up the complete birthstory, since it seemed like it should be the next post, and I am having the hardest time of it. Here’s the short version:

Tuesday - sent to L&D for pre-eclampsia evaluation. Sceduled for c-sec the following AM, and kept overnight. Wednesday - Am 2nd c-sec of the AM. Also, am contracting strongly and regularly. Body clearly done with being pregnant. C-sec initially uneventful. Have fantastic doula to get me through spinal and other weirdnesses. J in smurf suit. Beautiful babies with apgars of 9/9 and 8/9. As we roll to recovery, I tell someone to take the baby I am holding before I pass out. Rest is fuzzy, but involves BP drop to 60/30, major hemmoraghing, several attempts at IV insertion and an arterial line, and 4 units of blood. Also involves babies being taken to NICU - one with breathing difficulties and the other just to clear the room. Still involves fantastic doula who stays at my head through the chaos. Finally better when room begins to clear of medical staff. Baby A is returned to the room. B is in NICU for 3 days on CPAP, with attempts at tenting and just oxygen. I don’t see him until Thursday afternoon - clearly the worst part of all. Babies are unnamed until I am able to meet B. Longest drug-hazed day, ever. And that’s the short version.

Home for a couple of weeks now. Babies have grown and changed tremendously. Am scared I will miss it all in the fog of sleeplessness.

Sometimes I think how much easier it must be to have one at a time, and then I look down at the two of them nursing (fairly well, all things considered) and I can’t imagine it any other way.