Nothing we didn’t already know

We had our postmortem* with Dr. L yesterday. It started somewhat badly, both because I was a bit peeved that we had to pay for a visit to discuss how they don’t really have anything else to offer us there, and because the nurse (I think she’s actually a medical assistant) made me pee in a cup so they could do a pregnancy test. It’s an obnoxious habit they have. I understand testing before certain procedures (the HSG for sure, and even the IUIs - someone less obsessive and more ovulatory than myself could, I suppose, be pregnant and not know, and sticking things in the ol’ ute isn’t so good for a pregnancy). But why I had to do a pee test yesterday is beyond me. I didn’t even have to undress for the appointment.

Dr. L pretty much told us what we already knew. I didn’t respond to the Femara. The Kruger results meant that ICSI might be a good idea. But, some people have gotten pregnant with the same or lower Krugers, so we could try an injectable/IUI cycle and see. I asked if there was any reason we shouldn’t just move on to IVF w/ICSI. “If you have the resources to do that, it’s probably the right time,” she said. And then I thought, again, how lucky we are to have a family that can support our IVF efforts and how if I hadn’t done so much research I might have listened to only the surface of her statement and thought it was worthwhile to keep cycling with them because it’s less expensive.

I did ask her about the evil-HMO hospital’s OB/GYN and NICU services - because, you know, there’s this theory that I might need at least one of those at some point. She had positive things to say about the doctors for both, and says that there are Nurse-Midwives on staff, too (though that doesn’t mesh with what little I’ve read so I need to check further). In light of the recent conversations on other blogs it was on my mind. Not that I’m anywhere near needing an OB or anything.

She did tell us to have faith in God and each other, which felt like the Godspeak version of “just relax”. Which she got very close to when we were leaving - telling us about people who had gotten pregnant when they stopped trying or worrying about it, and who didn’t even know because they didn’t get regular periods and then suddenly they were very pregnant. I know it happens, occassionally, but I can’t even imagine NOT KNOWING I was somehow pregnant. How would I miss something like that? So, she didn’t quite say we should relax, and when I made a face she said, “I know. Easy for me to say, right?” -- which was a lovely observation coming from her.

Instead of just not thinking about it, as she suggested, we have our new-clinic consults the week after next. I received a new patient packet from one of the clinics yesterday, which I thought was appropriate timing. A bit depressing, though, since I’d failed to account for the amount of time it will take to get tested and integrated into their treatment schedule. But at least it’s progress. And I am trying to not think about it too much between now and then, because I’ve already made a long list of questions and requested that my old records be sent to the new clinics and scheduled another few acupuncture treatments and I’m not sure what else I can do. So hell, maybe I’ll try “not worrying”.

* A postmortem is the meeting after an event or project has concluded to discuss what worked and didn’t work:

“Sooner or later this situation happens to us all: You and three others just spent the last thirteen months of your lives and careers working on a special corporate project. Unfortunately, that project produced less than satisfying results. Now, instead of basking in the glow of your team's achievement, management asks you to organize a review meeting for the failed project. That's right, you've landed in the dangerous territory of the post mortem.”

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?