Sunday, October 30, 2005

10 Hours and Counting

I am numb. No, seriously, my fingers are so cold they’re numb. But I can’t bring myself to turn on the heat, because that would be admitting that it’s cold, and here in the tropics where I live, we like to think of ourselves as being above the whole notion of seasons. Plus, we haven’t been able to get anyone out to inspect the chimney, so I can’t use the fireplace, which is what I’d rather do instead of turn on the heat anyway.

This is another of the many ways I’ve been trying to distract myself from the fact that (like so many before me, I know) I will be aiming a needle at my belly tomorrow morning and taking the plunge (get it? plunge? ha ha) Unlike many, we skipped from oral meds (Clomid and Femara) straight to the big guns. So, while J has given me a shot of HCG in the upper outer quadrant, I’ve never jabbed myself. Oh sure, I suppose I could have him do this, too. But honestly, it seems like that would make a bigger deal out of it than just doing it myself. Plus I’d still have to see it, which is part of the problem. Plus, our schedules being what they are, I can’t really expect him to be around for all of my shots, which means I’d better figure out how to do them myself at some point, so why not tomorrow?

I’ve been acting very blase about the whole thing - it’s a small needle, so many people have been through this before, it’s no big deal, did I mention how small the needle is? And yet I suspect I’m going to freak the fuck out tomorrow morning when faced with the prospect of actually poking the small needle into my not-so-small belly. Have I mentioned that I’ve had a needle phobia for most of my life? I’ve been tackling it bit by bit with all of the blood draws over the past couple of years, and the acupuncture (it’s a totally different kind of needle, of course, but I still had to deal with the needle phobia to start seeing an acupuncturist), and the HCG, and the tattoo. I can even (usually) watch a shot on TV without turning away like I used to. So I put on a nice little show about how fine I am with all of this. Except when I actually think about how I’m going to be poking myself with a needle. Tomorrow.

And my hands are freezing.


  1. I don't have a needle phobia, but I was freaking out too before the first shot. Honestly, it does get better. You'll do it, and it won't hurt, and you'll think, Hey, that's not so bad. I promise.

    Good luck.

  2. That first shot is a trip. My trick is to totally turn my brain off about the whole process. I don't think about what I'm doing, at all. I watch television and just sort of zone out during the actual sticking process.

    Sadly, it does get easier. It'd be better if none of us ever had to become pros at injecting ourselves, but we do.

    Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

  3. I have zero needle phobia, am a nurse and have given thousands of shots, and I still freak out before sticking myself. I find it's hard when a cycle starts, gets easier in the middle, but by the end it's hard again. I've found if I close my eyes and jab, it's not so bad, but that's not the recommended technique. :)

  4. If you survive the first one, the rest are a piece of cake. Like Thalia said, it's really not as bad as you expect. Good luck!

  5. I have no helpful experience to share, but I will be thinking of you and wishing you luck, obviously. Perhaps you are injecting yourself as I write this...

  6. Good luck!! I was terrified of the shots, too. But you will be SO proud of yourself after you do the first one (which you've [probably already done by now). See? Wasn't that bad, right?

    Oh and veddy nice ring!!

  7. The anticipation is definitely the worst part. You can do it!

    I'm sure you're feeling pretty ambiguous about the whole thing right now, so I'll go ahead and be unabashedly excited for you.