Monday, September 18, 2006

Pickle Petuniabottom and her friends

Things I learned by attending the start-up meeting for a playgroup organized by the JCC:

  • The cool mom accessory in my area is a Petunia Picklebottom diaper bag. Man, are those things huge. Geez. I have two babies, and my diaper bag is smaller. And less flashy, but that’s another story.
  • There were four sets of Jewish twins born in July and August. Or at least, four sets that were on the list for the playgroups. Only one other came to the meeting (I brought J, she brought her mom).
  • My previous self-doubting post aside, I guess I’m doing well after all. The other twin mom also looked like she had it together, but she didn’t feel like she did. And her mom lives in the area, and they have a nanny/housekeeper/helper person during the week, and even then... So in comparison, I guess we’re doing well. This is not to play “who has it worse” or anything, but just to have ventured out to the meeting says something about how we’re doing, and then having other moms of babies the same age in a room leaves a huge window for comparisons.
  • Apparently, breastfeeding is impressive. I guess that’s the twin thing. Also the fact that they sometimes go 4 hours between feedings.
  • Little old ladies (in the lobby) find dads with twins to be insanely fascinating. And they think nothing of asking if I’m able to breastfeed them. Which is fine, but if I weren’t able to breastfeed them would that have felt rude or harsh or judgemental?
  • I have no good way of scoping out infertiles in a crowd like that, though I wanted to. Even with the other twin mom - mom of b/g twins, y’know. People ask me if twins run in the family all the time, yet I can’t come up with a good way to ask if twins run in her RE’s office or whatever. J suggested asking if people always ask her if twins run in her family - as one twin mom to another. Because I can’t just ask “so, spontaneous or assisted” - can I?

The first meeting of the actual playgroup is tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes. And I'm hoping we can put together the four sets of twins and form our own sub-group. Because while some stuff is the same, some things are Just So Different. I just have to restrain myself from thinking that everyone else has it easier with just one, though I've been thinking that a lot lately. With just one, even when they're being fussy you don't have to worry that you're going to have to put them down to tend to the other. Or that you can't do the thing that will calm them (nursing, or carrying them in one of my slowly accumulating carriers) because the other is hungry. Or having to put them down when they're napping on me because I have to be able to get to the other. I know it's hard for everyone at this age, and different for everyone, but just like Jenn said, it's hard not to contemplate what it would be like with just one at a time. Not that I can imagine life without both of them, but I do wonder.


  1. I got together with two other moms of triplets, although none of us were really able to pull it off until the kids were over a year old. By then, we had a lot of the "emotional logistics" stuff figured out (in different ways, I hasten to add) but even so, it was nice just to handle playdates with people who instantly understood certain dynamics.

    OTOH, my closest friends and fellow moms were both parents of singletons. That was nice because doing things with them instantly lowered the parent:child ratio. You have to have a friend who knows to look around for your kids, though.

    I hope the playdate goes/went well!

  2. The longer i have wins, the more I think that moms of multiples have to go through a bit of a grieving process the first year. Call it "singleton envy" or whatever, for me it got a lot better when some of the advantages started happening. They're becoming buddies who will always have each other, not to mention that they are starting to really entertain eachother, and that makes upfor a lot. One the comparing thing: it is so hard ot avoid. I actually met a set of twins the other day who were also both boys and born on the very same day. The mom and I were so excited to meet each other, ad exchanged numbers, but it was so hard not to just compare everything. Not a great basis for friendship, really, so I don't think I'll call.