Friday, March 13, 2009


I haven't written about it because I don't really know what to say, but we're in a bit of flux around here, with J's career change and return to school and my return to work and the kids at school (yes, since September - none of this is news at this point, I know). I would have thought the flux would have subsided by now, but we have yet to fully settle into a routine (a side effect of 2.5 year olds and changing semester schedules, I think) and we're already caught up in the flux about next year -- J is applying to schools (he's doing some general stuff now, but will need to transfer to finish up this degree change) and one possibility involves a move 3 hours away to City Where I Grew Up, but meanwhile, and this is what I'm on about today, we have to make decisions about the kids and preschool and somehow some of this ties in to decisions about Kindergarten and I know they're getting older but still, they're just 2 and a half. And then I spin myself into a tizzy and have to catch my breath. So, some points:

1. We're taking the kids for developmental evals at the end of the month, because they're free and because B is a bit, um, atypical in some of his social development. The guest speakers at my moms of twins club meeting this month were a language specialist and an occupational therapist, and based on some things they said and the experiences of another mom in the club, it sounds like B might have some sensory integration issues and we could be doing more to help him manage them. So that's thing #1.

2. I mentioned the above to the preschool teacher, who has noted B's behavior in the past, and she was thrilled that we were getting him evaluated and went on about her own son's experiences with OT and how it helped. I knew there were some similarities, but I think she's also seeing B through the lens of her experience with her son, which is both useful and not.

3. It's summer enrollment time at the school, and we may try separating the kids - just for the summer - to see how that works. B would remain with the younger 2s in their current class, and M would move to the next oldest class. They'd each still have some kids they already know in the class, and some new. They'd also still have a lot of together time since the two classes overlap on their outdoor time. Not sure yet what we'd do for fall - this is a whole huge issue that has a bit to do with whether we're expecting them to start kindergarten (which I keep starting to type as preschool because I'm not even familiar with the K word!) at a young age 5 (they have a late-July birthday) or at a young age 6. The preschool has 4 classes, and the last functions as a pre-K, so there's a desire to make sure they get that experience at the right point. Because it's a small school, our only option for keeping them separated in the Fall would be for B to move to M's summer class and M to move to the next class (the 3rd "level", though not a full year's leap in age) - legitimate from an age perspective, but potentially setting them up to be in different grades, which is not something I want to consider. Or they spend the summer separate but then end up in the same class again come Fall.

I can't believe that I have to start thinking about their Kindergarten readiness at this point, and I can't even do that obsessive thing where I start researching the local schools because even if we stay where we are for J's next round of schooling, chances are VERY high that we'd be moving before Kindergarten anyway. And if we're going to keep the kids together, which way do we go -- do we start them early because M would likely be ready at 5 or wait to be sure B is ready at 6? (Probably the latter, but both are strong cognitively and I don't want them to be bored or not sufficiently challenged because we're judging their 5 year old selves at age 2. If that makes sense.)

And of course, the school needs to know - probably today - how we want to handle summer enrollments.

Gah. Once I start writing it out, it seems to get more complicated. And while my local moms of twins club is nice, we seem to lose members as their kids reach school age, so I don't have a lot of any personal reference points on things like separating twins or navigating gender-related developmental differences. Our details are specific, but the general questions shouldn't be unique. And yet, I'm feeling like I don't have any models for this. Anyone?


  1. I can't help at all with the twin separate-or-together stuff, but I can sure commiserate on how fast it all snowballs.

    We're trying to navigate #1 going to preschool with #2 starting center-based daycare and do we go with the plan that's convenient for 2009-2010 but screws us logistically after that, or try to make the better-in-long-term plan for a difficult year? Add in wait lists and crazy expensive infant care and possibly going back to school and maybe moving house?

    I clench my jaw and my husband wonders why!?

  2. The whole schooling thing is a mess, isn't it? And we're supposed to magically have it all figured out far ahead of time...Best of luck to you all in navigating all of this.

  3. And to think we were pondering a move back to the US! I'm scared now.

  4. I was dead set on keeping them together when they start in the fall but now I think I'll separate them. I don't think there is one right answer for this and it's entirely dependant on the two kids. With them, I think Nick would do fine whether they are together or not. William I think is going to have a hard time being apart, but I think ultimately it will benefit him to be apart. They too have together time outside.

  5. Yikes, a lot to ponder. We're starting to very vaguely discuss things but luckily are not at a decision point. Well, we plan to keep them in the same preschool room at 3 I think -- they like being together and it's big enough (18) that they should find their own niches. We are just past the school birthday cutoff so we'd have to do private kindergarten if we wanted them to be young 5's in K, but I can't deal with considering it yet. I know none of this is an answer, sorry. But do let us know what you sort out!

  6. I can commiserate on a lot of this and maybe offer some helpful advice my mom gave me. She raised two kids at a time when our family was moving every year or two, usually with only a few months' notice. She says you can always make a change if things don't work out. I find it realy hard to believe, but I guess on some level she's right. One thing I love about the school where my kids are now is that they're pretty flexible about making the decision about which year "counts" as kindergarten and we can even have him switch between classes mid year if that's what works. I'm wondering if maybe a somewhat larger program with more than one class per age group is going to work better for you guys once you're at the kindergarten stage? It's all so tough!

  7. Very stressful stuff. We haven't gotten there yet, but since my kids are July birthdays too, I wonder about that. I really don't want to hold them back to start kindy at six but I don't want them to be the youngest and least mature in their class. My oldest is a February birthday so there really wasn't any question of holding him back but he's had some issues with readiness in part because his pre-school didn't really prepare for the way things are done in this school district (we lived in a different district then) and because he generally has some school related issues (lack of focus, rushes to finish work, etc.)
    Good luck to you, and it was good to hear from you.

  8. Yes, that does sounds stressful, and I remember all the confusion.

    FWIW, I have become a big believer in waiting on kindergarten, if you have any doubt at all. We know people who started and then wished they'd waited, or who actually kept back a child, but we know NO ONE who started later and regretted that choice.

    The boredom thing seems like a bit of an irrelevancy -- you can always add stuff at home, for example, or the kids can be a bit more independent in pre-K.

    It is so much more complicated with multiples, isn't it, because it's an easy call to hold back a boy but what about his sister?

    Good luck with all this. I know it's not easy.