Monday, January 04, 2010

Is this thing on?

I got two drive-by pregnancy announcements in the past month, and even though we're not in the trenches of trying or anything (which is a topic for another day) I felt blindsided. After all this time, I guess the pang of jealousy over seemingly easy conceptions and neatly spaced children hasn't gone away. Though apparently, J's tact about such things has -- he relayed one piece of news without any preamble in the midst of the evening getting-home-from-school chaos and I had to excuse myself to the other room to just process it alone for a minute. And then I just felt lonely, since I couldn't run to my computer and blog it all out and hear a chorus of support, and then I thought "hey, why not?" So here I am. Though I expect there's not much chorus to speak of anymore. And I have no idea what I'm doing here anymore, or where this will go. But here I am, for now, anyway. Ambivalent much?

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And because it feels wrong not to play catch up a bit:




M&B are 3. (Three and a quarter if they were older and counted in quarters, but M is in the phase of shyly holding up 3 fingers when asked her age so we'll go with that.) They are rambunctious and feisty and sweet and fabulous and fascinating. A couple of months ago, one of the kids got a fortune from a very wise cookie that said "You are a bundle of energy, always on the go" which is perhaps the most spot on fortune I've ever seen. They also snuggle and cuddle and generally melt my heart in the very best ways.

J is deep into the career shift process, which means he's gone back to school and might at some point try for an entry level position in his new field of choice. Hopefully soon. Which is wonderful, of course, but also tense and tenuous. I'm a planner, and this level of unknown makes me anxious on so many levels.

Plus, I am back from the land of the employed to the land of the (theoretically) dissertating, though so far I've been spending time organizing my household chaos, and lounging about, and feeling generally unproductive.

And those are just the highlights. Wasn't that fun?
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9 comments:

  1. Thalia1/05/2010 3:30 AM

    Wow, you have a lot on your plate. The children look and sound adorable. Will always be reading, do keep on letting us in!

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  2. Jen1/05/2010 6:57 AM

    Hi! Nice to see you back here again! Those kids are too cute. I do wonder if we'll ever be able to deal well with pregnancy announcements...

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  3. Claudia1/05/2010 8:10 AM

    Right there with you. Even having had a spontaneous pregnancy of my own, I still always marvel at other's good luck with their pregnancies. Infertility means you take nothing for granted. Keep us posted!

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  4. amanda1/05/2010 10:56 AM

    Yeah, I don't think I'll ever get used to the drive-by pregnancy announcements. Even after success, my mentality can't shift that far.

    It's good to hear from you.

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  5. DeadBug1/05/2010 12:17 PM

    I am so glad to see that you're back! What a lot there is going on with you and J; I am feeling a little remote anxiety on your behalf, just knowing how hard it is to let go of the planning.

    I have been secretly thankful that most of my co-workers and friends are older, as it greatly reduces the number of pregnancy drive-bys. But when the odd one does come, I still shudder a bit, and the jealousy bubbles right up.

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  6. Lut C.1/05/2010 1:41 PM

    Jealous, bitter, yep, all still there.

    Good luck with both your career changes.

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  7. Eva1/05/2010 5:11 PM

    Thanks for the updates. Kids are so cute and sounds like they are super fun. Good luck with dissetation. I've been there but not combined with parenting 3 year olds.

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  8. Clover1/07/2010 2:24 PM

    Hey you- good to hear from you. Sorry about the drive-bys. Glad to hear your kids are doing well and so incredibly cute.

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  9. Anonymous1/12/2010 4:21 AM

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