This is actually my second blog. The first consisted mostly of my venting about fertility, family, and life in general (okay, not so different from now!), and I decided I should get a fresh start in case I wanted to share the blog with anyone I know outside the internet - specifically, in case I want to allow my parents and in-laws to read the blog. I considered this in the hopes that by reading the blog they’d better understand what’s going on with us, and that I wouldn’t have to repeat the same information several times. I know there are people in blogland who share their blog with some members of their families, and others who are careful to keep the two separate. I’m curious what people’s thoughts are on this. Is it a terrible idea to share the blog with family? Do you end up censoring yourself?
Case in point - [I’ll consider deleting this if ever I give access to the in-laws, even though they were there for the conversation.]
Setting: In the car on a long drive with J and his parents (visiting from out of town)
Conversation goes something like this:
Me: So, um, I wanted to mention that I know you’re trying, but telling me over and over that losing weight would help us get pregnant is really not at all helpful. I’d appreciate it if that didn’t get pulled out as if it’s the cause of this situation.
MIL: Well, it’s true that weight has an impact on fertility.
Me: (gets ready to bang head on a wall, can’t find wall, looks at J for help)
J: That’s really not the point.
Me: While that’s true in general, it’s not a useful piece of advice for me. [And even if it were, you’ve already told me several times.] My weight is a SYMPTOM of my PCOS and is exacerbated by the fertility drugs [and my depression over the fertility problems].
MIL: Yes, but weight is still really important.
Me: [deep breath, count to 10]Yes, but it’s not helpful for you to tell me that anymore. I have several doctors and an acupuncturist working with me on these issues - including rethinking the categories of food that I consume. Besides which, our fertility problems aren’t just with me. There are some... sperm issues.... too. [Why don’t you tell HIM to work on HIS weight?]
J: Maybe she doesn’t know the rules.
MIL: The rules?
Me: Oh yes, the rules. Number 1 - Don’t try to be my doctor. I already have several, thank you. Please just be family. Number 2 - Don’t assume I’m in the mood to talk about this - I may be, and I may not be, and there’s no real way of knowing. That’s just how it is. Number 3 [They had already herad this one.] - If we want someone to know about our fertility issues, WE will tell them. This is not your job. [Note: Things have improved a lot with my mother since introducing these rules - hopefully the same will be true for MIL.]
I do think she got it, in the end, but it was frustrating how long it took. That being said - please, no harsh comments about my MIL. She means well, and she’s trying, and I’m not angry with her nor do I want anyone else to be. It’s just one of those sticky situations we have from time to time.
So, is is a bad idea to share the blog with them? Or will it be a useful way of communicating without engaging in these sorts of conversations over and over? Am I going to end up censoring myself?