Wednesday, December 07, 2005

9dp5dt: I can’t think in weeks yet

The lines on my new best friend, FRED, were darker today than yesterday. Still fidgeting anxiously until Friday’s beta. This afternoon, I was so numbingly tired I cried. And I’ve been really hungry. But mostly just tired. Oh so tired. I could just sleep from now until the beta.

On the plus side, I think, I watched an entire commercial filled with babies, and instead of feeling bitter, I felt hopeful. And during one of those “talk to your kids about drugs” commercials, I thought - hmm, someday I guess we’ll need to do that.

I’ve been so focused on the process I haven’t been able to envision what comes next. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m still incredibly cautious about this whole venture. Incredibly. But for a few minutes here and there, I’ve been able to imagine a time beyond this one. And it felt good.

Please, universe, don’t let this all crumble away.

9 comments:

  1. It's looking good, cass no doubt about it. But I'm sure it won't feel completely sure for a while yet.

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  2. I won't tell you not to worry, because I know that is impossible, but I really hope you have more moments, like the one you decribed, where you can imagine this working out. We are all think of you and will be waiting for Friday!

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  3. Crossing fingers, toes, my eyes if Icould and braiding my hair that this keeps on keeping on.

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  4. Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

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  5. Congratulations on the darker lines. So happy for you.

    I'm convinced you're deleting my comments. I swear I offered to chip in on the FRED's so I didn't have to wait until Friday. Glad you took it upon yourself to end my misery. Huge congratulations!

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  6. It can be really hard, mentally, to embrace...but sounds like you are going to have some new mental paradigms to get used to. Looking forward to your good news tomorrow!

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  7. I really hope this is it for you!

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  8. Ok, I made sure to get my computer put back together in time for your news today, so I'm all set!

    It sure is looking good, Cass!

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