Sunday, March 05, 2006

Insecurities rising

Every time we have a fight, or even a non-fight -- a pesky disagreement, a mutual out-of-sorts moment -- every time, I worry about how we’re going to do this. How are we going to make it through the ridiculous ordeal of twins? We tell people, and they ask if our families are nearby. No, actually, they’re not that close. Mine are about 3 hours away. His are across the country. We have friends who are excited and want to come play with the babies, but not necessarily the kind that are going to organize meal rotations or come over to do laundry. We have fantastic neighbors who will be happy to do some occasional grocery shopping, but other than all that we’re mostly on our own. And I’m scared. I’m scared that we can’t even take care of ourselves right now. We can’t get the house clean, or organized. We can’t figure out what to have for dinner. I can barely make it off the couch much of the time. And yes, some of that is due to the pregnancy itself - it’s changed my appetite and my energy levels, among many other things. But some of it is just us. Maybe we’re really not ready for this. Maybe we can’t do it. Maybe we shouldn’t have tried so hard to get here. I’m trying really hard not to go down the “meant to be” path, because I don’t actually believe that at all, but tonight in the midst of it all I just don’t know how we’re going to do it.

10 comments:

  1. A "maybe" is like a percentage. If 50% of you thinks you are not ready, or that you can't do this, there's always the 50% of you that IS ready and CAN do it. And if it helps tip the scales, WE know that you are ready and can do this. Questioning your abilities means your mature enough to know that it won't be easy, but that you will need to work harder - together. The payoff though, will be immeasurable.

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  2. If ever there was someone with the maturity and poise to handle this, it is you two. I hope those don't sound like empty words, because I couldn't mean it more earnestly.

    Much love,
    Bugs

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  3. It's so overwhelming and I can only imagine that it's exponentially more so when you're picturing yourself with two babies. But you can do it. Many many women before you have. And you can too.

    And by the way - it sometimes seems to me that it's the couples with everything organized and well managed who have the hardest time with a new baby. If you can't figure out what to have for dinner now, I think that actually means your well prepared for things being in disarray for the rest of your lives, right?

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  4. Most days I don't know how we'll handle it either. But, what choice do we have? We'll get through it somehow.

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  5. Yup, I get panicked thinking of the exact same things. It seems so daunting, so huge, so unpreparable-for, so overwhelming. I have to remind myself that every last minute isn't going to be miserable, that there's going to be some joy, some love, some happiness in addition to the misery.

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  6. kscarafelli@mac.com3/06/2006 7:03 PM

    Do you have a MOMS (Mothers of Multiples) Club in your area? If so, consider joining. The one in my area offers expectant moms support group meetings. Talking to moms of twins might help with fear of the unknown.

    I have two year old b/g twins and it's hard. Really hard. My husband's job is very demanding. Our families are 2000 miles away. But, I do it and you can do it too. Twins are everywhere. Lots of people do it. You will figure it out and it will be great. You will be great.

    Email me if you want any specfic assvice. ;-)

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  7. Cass, I just know that you two are going to do a great job. You two have such love and strength in your relationship, and so many amazing qualities, that I know that these babies are going to be very lucky to have you as parents.

    But I can't blame you for freaking out, either! I think that's perfectly natural, too.

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  8. I think the freaking out is how you figure out how you will handle things. You can do this, you will be great at it, and if you can't figure out what to have for dinner now, or get the house clean, it is because you don't have to. You will be fine, and you will be fantastic at this, and your house doesn't have to be clean and many, many adults eat cereal for dinner and live in a dusty house and we are all doing just fine as well.

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  9. You can do this! We've had our twins home for almost three weeks and, yes, it's doable. Having my husband home on paternity leave/vacation has been a god send. We were no where near as "prepared" as I wanted to be, but when we got them home, the things I didn't do weren't really needed. Again...you can do this!

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  10. I can't imagine how overwhelmed you must feel - b/c I feel that way with one. But you will get through it because you will have to. It's amazing what people are made of, they often don't realize the steely reserves they have. Maybe reaching out to others with mulitples would help too? Wishing you lots of luck.

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