News about the twins has spread to people I don’t frequently see, both in my department and at work.* Actually, often it’s just news of the pregnancy, and then people are shocked when they hear how far along I am** and relieved when they hear I’m carrying twins.
In any case, one of these exchanges led to the tidbit that a woman at work (someone I have a lot of respect for, though we don’t actually work together at all - she’s one of those people who exudes good energy, y’know?) is the mother of boy/girl twins. So I saw this woman today, and confirmed that she has twins, and then told her about mine. Her kids are 10 now, and the result of IVF followed by an incredibly scary and complicated pregnancy. (Which is to say, she really gets it.) And she’s got it all together now (or at least makes it look like she does). She didn’t sugar coat things. She said, basically, the first year will be hell. But it’s all worth it, and they’re fantastic now, and they get along really well and their personalities complement each other and who knows what will happen when they get out of elementary school, but right now they are each others’ best friends.
Mostly, I’m busy amassing advice on dealing with the here and now - what do we need to get and do? How are we going to manage the early days? Will I be able to breastfeed? What classes should we take? Etc. etc. Talking to someone who is so far removed from the baby days was really reassuring. I know there will be new questions and new challenges (hell, I’m stressing about those already, too - How will they get along? When do we separate them in school? How do we ensure they’re able to have a sense of themselves as individuals and not just “the twins”?) but it was nice to see that it won’t always be like this - stuck deep in the unknown, buried under a pile of questions.
* However, news has yet to spread to many of our friends, because J and I both find it really awkward to send an email out of the blue announcing the pregnancy news. It’s something we have to work up to, I think. So everyone who sees me walking down the street knows I’m pregnant, but many of our friends who aren’t in the area don’t have a clue. We’re working on that, though.
** Because I am, apparently, huge. Or something. More politely, one friend told me I was about as big at 20 weeks as she was at 30+.
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Yup, right there with you. I have been relying on the gossip grapevine to spread the word of my pregnancy, and it's backfired a tad. Some people have had their feelings hurt that we haven't personally told them, but it's just so weird and awkward to be officially spreading the word. I still get a shock when I catch a glimpse of my reflection and see that no doubt, I'm pregnant...
ReplyDeleteHow nice that you found someone to talk to who has been there. :-)
ReplyDeleteHuge is good - room for both babies. I'm glad you've found someone who has been through it and gets it.
ReplyDeletethat's great to have that source of advice from someone with a wider perspective than you have right now. I think the very fact that you are thinking of all these things now is a good sign that you'll be ready to deal with them when it's time.
ReplyDeleteMy IVF twins are 10 months now and I love having them. I hated pregnancy and was worried about everything pre and post pregnancy but it's been great. DO NOT listen to all of the people who say it takes three months - year for things to get better. It gets a little easier every day (although I will admit the first couple of weeks home were hard!). Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI think it's wonderful that you have found someone who can tell you what having twins is really like, and give you some much-needed reassurance. And I completely understand about worrying about things that are, um...years away. I often catch myself worrying about things that won't happen until my kids are 18 or so, and have to remind myself that perhaps I should just concentrate on, you know, *ovulating* first.
ReplyDeleteLike Alexa, I'm glad you're getting the realistic but hopeful picture.
ReplyDelete