blah blah blah

So it’s been a while since I had a real meaty post. I don’t know what’s up with me. I think in my Clomid-addled state of mind, it’s hard to focus long enough to write. (Which, as you can imagine, is doing wonders for the two big papers I need to be writing for school...)

CD12 sono yesterday (wand monkey of the day was an OB/GYN resident, because they don’t get much training in scanning infertiles ovaries) - no major follicles (largest was maybe 8mm) and lining still thin (in the 5mm range). I have a history of slow response, and apparently my lining is appropriate for this amount of follicular growth. So back to waiting. Next sono scheduled for Monday (because they don’t do them over the weekend). Here’s hoping that’s not too late.

Things on my mind recently:

1. We’re getting ready to go to this wedding in June where there will be a couple of friends with babies, and one visibly pregnant friend. This group of friends usually has the lifepoint check-in at events like this - who’s going to be next for X Y or Z. In the past, this has been a discussion of who’s going to get married next, but with this new rash of babies, you know that’s going to be a prime topic. And the answer is, I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE NEXT. Not the pregnant woman. She’s younger, they’ve been married for less time, and I’m sure we’ve been trying much longer. (My inner temper tantrum is screaming “I deserve this more” over and over.) Obviously, I’m happy for them and all. I just don’t want to see her.

2. Last night, J casually mentioned that our friends, the bride and groom, just got a car, because the bride’s sister is pregnant and needed to upgrade to a Volvo. He didn’t even realize that was another pregnancy announcement until my face crumpled. This is what I’m afraid of at the wedding - no one thinks that a comment like that means anything except some sort of joke - “Ha ha, they’re pregnant so they’re automaticallly getting a Volvo, isn’t that so stereotypical.” Even if I warn people about my fragile state of mind (as my therapist suggested yesterday) I don’t think this will register for anyone as an inssensitive thing. Except that I already have a baby-friendly car. When we bought my car 4 years ago, before we were trying, we considered the baby-safety issue. If I have to replace my car before I get to have a baby in it, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

3. Yesterday I got a call from the car dealership asking if I’d be interested in selling my car, since they have a high demand for that model/year.

I stayed in bed for an extra hour this morning. And I kinda want to go back.