postive thinking

I had another conversation with my mom over the weekend about mind/body health - all that stuff about how thoughts affect biology. So I’m trying to be more positive. Which is so hard. I don’t want to set myself up and then be crushed, and sometimes it seems easier to just stay neutral rather than risk that terrible feeling of squashed hope. But...I do everything else that’s rumored to help, so I should try this (again).

The waiting room at the clinic was crowded today - usually there’s at most one other person, but today there were several, and it must have been “bring the spouse day” because there were a lot of them, too. There was a couple waiting that I wanted to meet, but how do you just randomly tap someone on the shoulder and say, “Hey, you seem like one of the cool kids. Wanna be my friend?” Couldn’t quite bring myself to do it. I do sometimes often wonder about the other people in the waiting room - about their stories, their coping mechanisms. Actually, for a place that required an introductory class before getting in to the clinic (in case we didn’t know to have sex around ovulation, apparently) I’d expect them to run a support group. Lots of research on how relaxation helps fertility, and it could be a cheap way of increasing their effectiveness. But without that, I’ll just relax on my own, and get my support from the computer.

This is all a rambling lead in to saying that we’re on for an IUI on Wednesday. One nice big follicle on the left (J said - “That’s as big as the whole ovary on the other side” - he doesn’t usually get to come to my wanding appointments, so it’s all fascinating to him) and a comfy, plush lining (probably thanks to all the extra estrogen). So, trigger tonight and IUI on Wednesday.

In an attempt to apply my new positive thinking strategy, I didn't buy this really cute skirt today because I might not fit into it soon. That's a start, right?

Hope hasn’t come knocking, but I guess I’ll let her in if she shows up.