both at once

The clinic finally called me back today with the progesterone results (21.04) - which as far as I can tell is a perfectly respectable number. I’m still irritated that I couldn’t get the results sooner, but glad to see it’s of no consequence (or something) since the levels are fine. So now I’m back to just waiting. The nurse cheerfully told me I could take a home pregnancy test 2 weeks after the IUI. We’ll see about that. I guess it depends how I’m feeling. Right now, much as I’d like to know something for sure, I can consider it a possibility that I actually am pregnant. And until I have a test or a period telling me differently, I’ll continue to consider it a possibility. And that’s more than I usually have, so I’m trying to hold onto it.

It’s like the question of Schroedinger’s Cat (which I always think of as a philosophical problem but is actually about quantum physics). Much simplified, Schroedinger put a cat in a box with an experiment that might or might not kill the cat (yes, it’s sad). Until the box is opened, there’s no way to know if the cat is alive or dead, which in some way means it’s both alive and dead until observation renders a solid conclusion one way or the other. This is somewhat related to the question about the tree falling in the forest with no one around. It’s also used to discuss the ways in which the act of observation shifts that which is observed, which is another useful tidbit, but not my primary focus with all this.

I feel like the possibility of pregnancy is like Schroedinger’s Cat. Right now, I might be pregnant or I might not, but since I can’t observe this for sure yet, I’m both at once. Damn, no wonder the two week wait is a big old mind fuck.

And don’t even get me started on the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.