Double whammy

We started TTC in earnest a year ago. At the time, even knowing that we’d potentially have problems, with the PCOS and all, I still thought we’d be pregnant within a year. Not have a baby or anything, just have managed to get me knocked up. I had thought for a few years that I’d like to make J a daddy, and that his 30th birthday seemed like a good occassion. No dice on that one - my deadline expired today (er, yesterday, thanks to Blogger)

As I think I’ve mentioned before (but am too lazy to go double check right now) B & R are friends of ours (and the guys’ parents are old friends). I dated B (for a month) before I got together with J (they were roommates). We got married two weeks apart. We bought houses the same summer. When we started trying, I knew with no uncertainty that they were trying too. And then I found out they’d been trying for a while and were moving on to IVF. And they they got pregnant on IVF #1. And I’m really happy for them. Really. She’s been supportive and has mostly done a good job of remembering what it feels like on this side. We’ve commiserated about our in-laws. They were due in June, and I was hoping to be very pregnant by then (or a little pregnant, or at least having a better sense of how I’m responding to new treatments). And yesterday my in-laws called to tell me they’d had the babies. (I just got some info from her, finally - they were 28 weeks, she had severe HELLP - is it ever not severe?)

These were two of my milestone markers, and they were supposed to be spread out more than this. A lot more.

And in the time it has taken to get Blogger to take this post, I had the third strike of the day. One of J’s high school friends is pregnant. This is especially hard because of the group of friends (who we’ll be seeing at a wedding in June), we were supposed to be next. And I knew there would be conversations about that. (Ah, the bliss of chatting about when youi’ll start trying as if it’s that simple. Remember those days? Me neither.) But now there won’t be. Because she’s next. amd she’ll be showing by that point. And with her pregnancy and the two other recent babies (a little over a year, and 7 months or so) it will be baby talk the whole time. Because that’s what you do at weddings after you stop talking about who will get married next.

And I had to go out into the world today, instead of staying at home curled in a ball as I’d prefer. I’m trying to remind myself that bad things happen in threes, not fours, so I should be safe for a little while. But then, who knows?